Utterly relatable. I have to add one. My mind is full of all the things - so many of them! - and I need to spare my family from 3 page long Whatsapp messages or having to listen while I sort out what I think, or let out a set of opinions that nobody asked for. Waaaaaaay back, I started one of my rambles at a family dinner gathering and someone grinned, "Here we go with one of Caroline's little theories". Since then, I guess I've been hunting for publics who might actually enjoy "Caroline's little theories" haha. So writing publicly is a safety valve for my super-energetic brain and also for my patient kinsfolk. Let's NOT keep it in the family.
That was a lovely read while I'm on a train. I think for me it's also about processing things. And I have to admit that I wasnt people who bullied me and teachers who told me I was no good at things to see it. I know they won't, but maybe someone who has behaved badly to other people might read it and change their minds
I wondered about using my maiden name as a pen name, just so that if one of the kids who bullied me at school sees a book or article by me, they'll know it's me!
This is beautiful. I resonate with staying home, staying safe, in my comfy clothes, away from face to face interactions. Connection through words and the internet sometimes feels safer and easier to find. I write because I feel I have something to say, because my words matter, and because I have so many of them in me the only logical explanation at times seems to be to get them out of me onto the page.
I write for all of the reasons Allegra mentioned and two additional ones. The first is that I believe (and readers have confirmed) that sharing my mental health journey and what has helped me create a better life can help others do the same. The second is that I want to support myself financially through my writing and the 1:1 peer support I provide via phone.
Traditional FT employment has never satisfied me and I've quit or been forced out of jobs because I refused to lie to customers or do other things I considered unethical. I also need the freedom to set my own schedule and choose work that interests me and benefits others.
Beautifully expressed Allegra - I love your thoughts on our unity and belonging. Absolutely on board with wanting to change the world and determined to have the courage to say so! Look forward to more mutual questioning soon!
This post really interested me Allegra, esp the part about being with kids all day and needing to feel validated, I feel that definitely. Also to feel I even exist I would like to add, really as there is so much that doesn’t get shared in my head and it’s nice to have somewhere to share some of it. I too struggle to articulate myself in person and I think my relationships struggle because of it. I have a friend actually who is very honest and says before she thinks and she remarked that my posts were a cry for help and it made me wonder if she really thought that then why hasn’t she helped? I get people contacting me sometimes and I think oh it’s because I sounded lonely in that post, but you know what I am lonely so is them reading into that a bad thing? It does make me want to hide under a rock though, even though I post diary like pieces on my substack. Anyway, it’s a conundrum isn’t it, but I agree with lots of the reasons you write, and post publicly, I think sharing words makes a difference or has made a difference to me anyway.
Oh I so relate. I love what you said about writing to feel you exist. There's something powerful about putting words out there as a way of showing, I'm here, this is me. It's also interesting sharing the harder parts of life. Sometimes when I write about difficult experiences, I get loads of people reaching out to comfort me, which is so lovely and kind, but I'm there thinking, "oh wait, it's OK, I'm fine". Really dark experiences in life exist amongst perfectly normal, even positive ones, but we can't write about all of life at once, we can only give a snapshot, a little part of our life, and sometimes that feels like a skewed view. And then also I get what Brene Brown calls a "vulnerability hangover" and want to hide from the fact that I've shared something deep and pretend everything is fine and get everyone to look somewhere else!
I write also because I feel like I can help other businesses get known by people who would care, and hopefully that helps them stay in business, doing what they seem to love.
Sometimes I feel existential guilt that I’m not a doctor, nurse, teacher or in some other clearly beneficial-to-society role, so it helps me to frame my writing as being in service of other people.
Like you, it’s definitely not for the money and sometimes I wonder why I spend so many hours a week doing it! I think it’s also about the feeling of accomplishment in completing something discrete too; that is addictive. Though I should perhaps consider other things, which might be more financially beneficial, to complete. 🤪
Oh god, all the time I think I should be doing something more beneficial to humanity, more important. But then I also really believe that art and creativity is vital to humanity, to how we understand each other and the world, and ourselves, so I cycle through guilt and justifying myself! I also frequently think that, if the zombie apocalypse comes, I will not be a person that everyone needs to keep. I mean, you'd fight to save the doctor or nurse, even the chef or the builder. Not so much the writer! 😆
Oh I love this post! I’m writing to help raise awareness around autistic perimenopause, but I’m unearthing all manner of past trauma in the process, which I really don’t have a he capacity to deal with at the moment 😭
Utterly relatable. I have to add one. My mind is full of all the things - so many of them! - and I need to spare my family from 3 page long Whatsapp messages or having to listen while I sort out what I think, or let out a set of opinions that nobody asked for. Waaaaaaay back, I started one of my rambles at a family dinner gathering and someone grinned, "Here we go with one of Caroline's little theories". Since then, I guess I've been hunting for publics who might actually enjoy "Caroline's little theories" haha. So writing publicly is a safety valve for my super-energetic brain and also for my patient kinsfolk. Let's NOT keep it in the family.
I think often strangers on the Internet understand me better than some of the people I'm related to!
That was a lovely read while I'm on a train. I think for me it's also about processing things. And I have to admit that I wasnt people who bullied me and teachers who told me I was no good at things to see it. I know they won't, but maybe someone who has behaved badly to other people might read it and change their minds
I wondered about using my maiden name as a pen name, just so that if one of the kids who bullied me at school sees a book or article by me, they'll know it's me!
Ooh yes!
‘makes you feel more connected to the human family’ - love these words!
I'm sorry...how did you climb into my brain and put all my thoughts, opinions, and insecurities in your newsletter?
Excellent post!
This is beautiful. I resonate with staying home, staying safe, in my comfy clothes, away from face to face interactions. Connection through words and the internet sometimes feels safer and easier to find. I write because I feel I have something to say, because my words matter, and because I have so many of them in me the only logical explanation at times seems to be to get them out of me onto the page.
I write for all of the reasons Allegra mentioned and two additional ones. The first is that I believe (and readers have confirmed) that sharing my mental health journey and what has helped me create a better life can help others do the same. The second is that I want to support myself financially through my writing and the 1:1 peer support I provide via phone.
Traditional FT employment has never satisfied me and I've quit or been forced out of jobs because I refused to lie to customers or do other things I considered unethical. I also need the freedom to set my own schedule and choose work that interests me and benefits others.
Beautifully expressed Allegra - I love your thoughts on our unity and belonging. Absolutely on board with wanting to change the world and determined to have the courage to say so! Look forward to more mutual questioning soon!
This was a lovely project to work on. And now that I've allowed myself to read your post, it's so interesting how many points we had in common!
This post really interested me Allegra, esp the part about being with kids all day and needing to feel validated, I feel that definitely. Also to feel I even exist I would like to add, really as there is so much that doesn’t get shared in my head and it’s nice to have somewhere to share some of it. I too struggle to articulate myself in person and I think my relationships struggle because of it. I have a friend actually who is very honest and says before she thinks and she remarked that my posts were a cry for help and it made me wonder if she really thought that then why hasn’t she helped? I get people contacting me sometimes and I think oh it’s because I sounded lonely in that post, but you know what I am lonely so is them reading into that a bad thing? It does make me want to hide under a rock though, even though I post diary like pieces on my substack. Anyway, it’s a conundrum isn’t it, but I agree with lots of the reasons you write, and post publicly, I think sharing words makes a difference or has made a difference to me anyway.
Oh I so relate. I love what you said about writing to feel you exist. There's something powerful about putting words out there as a way of showing, I'm here, this is me. It's also interesting sharing the harder parts of life. Sometimes when I write about difficult experiences, I get loads of people reaching out to comfort me, which is so lovely and kind, but I'm there thinking, "oh wait, it's OK, I'm fine". Really dark experiences in life exist amongst perfectly normal, even positive ones, but we can't write about all of life at once, we can only give a snapshot, a little part of our life, and sometimes that feels like a skewed view. And then also I get what Brene Brown calls a "vulnerability hangover" and want to hide from the fact that I've shared something deep and pretend everything is fine and get everyone to look somewhere else!
So beautifully put. It absolutely resonated.
I write also because I feel like I can help other businesses get known by people who would care, and hopefully that helps them stay in business, doing what they seem to love.
Sometimes I feel existential guilt that I’m not a doctor, nurse, teacher or in some other clearly beneficial-to-society role, so it helps me to frame my writing as being in service of other people.
Like you, it’s definitely not for the money and sometimes I wonder why I spend so many hours a week doing it! I think it’s also about the feeling of accomplishment in completing something discrete too; that is addictive. Though I should perhaps consider other things, which might be more financially beneficial, to complete. 🤪
Oh god, all the time I think I should be doing something more beneficial to humanity, more important. But then I also really believe that art and creativity is vital to humanity, to how we understand each other and the world, and ourselves, so I cycle through guilt and justifying myself! I also frequently think that, if the zombie apocalypse comes, I will not be a person that everyone needs to keep. I mean, you'd fight to save the doctor or nurse, even the chef or the builder. Not so much the writer! 😆
Oh I love this post! I’m writing to help raise awareness around autistic perimenopause, but I’m unearthing all manner of past trauma in the process, which I really don’t have a he capacity to deal with at the moment 😭
I should have checked that for errors. 😧