Is everything really just awful?
When there seems to be too much suffering in the world to bear
There's too much suffering in the world.
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by it. I can't bear to watch the news anymore because the flood of human misery threatens to wash me away. Even hearing stories from friends, acquaintances, strangers on social media of their trauma and isolation and wounds inflicted on them begins to drag me under. When I think about how many people, right at this moment, are in pain, it feels impossible that any of us, as a society, can stay afloat.
I've become more sensitive since I became a parent. Of course you don't have to have children to feel empathy, but, for me personally, having my own little family to protect has given me a greater desire to protect everyone. I am so aware, now, that every person suffering is someone's baby, and I picture my own babies in that situation, which sends me close to panic. I'm also now so deeply aware of how much trauma is inflicted in childhood, and my maternal instincts want to rescue all those children, whilst at the same time feeling terrified that I'm not doing enough to protect my own. That I might be the one causing trauma for them, with a careless word or a misplaced temper.
There are days when I feel as though humanity is rotten to the core, riddled with cruelty, and that life is too much to bear.
But, of course, there is so much beauty in the world too. There are powerful acts of kindness and the enduring strength of love. Humans are capable of incredible goodness. Is that enough to lift us out of the murky waters of pain? How can we push our way to the light, and take others with us? How can we find the brightness of joy amongst the darkness?
Switching off
Stopping watching the news has helped. And I've taken myself off Twitter. It's interesting to realise how much the media has a vested interest in convincing you that everything is terrible. With 24-hour rolling news, the only way those channels can keep you watching is to make you feel that you are constantly on the brink of catastrophe so that you keep checking to see how your doom is unfolding. Good news won't keep you tuning in, or have you compulsively scrolling apps for the latest update.
The system benefits from you being afraid. If you believe that everything, and everyone, is terrible, you're not motivated to change things. You're skeptical and suspicious of your fellow humans, so you're unlikely to work together to change anything. You become isolated, disheartened, you don't believe that things can change. You become dispirited, even despairing, so you buy more things to comfort yourself, insulate yourself, protect yourself. You work quietly and compliantly because you fear the disaster that might unfold if you step out of line. You are an obedient cog in the machine.
Maybe it’s not as bad as it looks
Is the world really as bad as it seems? In his book Humankind, Rutger Bregman debunks many of the negative assumptions we make about human nature, including taking apart some famous stories that supposedly illustrate our selfishness and innate cruelty. The Lord of the Flies, the famous book in which a group of school boys marooned on an island quickly turn on each other, is often held up as a depiction of what human beings are really like. Except it’s fictional. When this almost exact same scenario happened in real life, Bregman tells us, the boys worked together, established rules and systems to ensure fairness and equality, and even set their comrade’s broken leg so well that it healed practically perfectly. When they were rescued, they were still the best of friends. In 1964, the newspapers reported that a woman was murdered in front of 38 eyewitnesses who did nothing because they “didn’t want to get involved”. When Bregman dug into that story, he discovered that this was largely a fabrication of the media - that a number of neighbours came to her aid and that the police received several calls reporting the attack. The woman in question, Kitty Genovese, didn’t die alone and ignored, but in the arms of a friend who rushed to help her. Even the legends of the inhabitants of Easter Island, who supposedly chopped down all the trees on the island, destroying the soil and causing a famine, which drove them to war, torture and cannibalism, turns out to be largely nonsense. The trees, and the islanders, were killed by colonial invaders.
The story is being shaped by an author with an agenda. Even the trusting nature we show in believing it so innocently counteracts the message itself. It’s time to push back.
There is suffering in the world, and it is heartbreaking to think about. But there is great potential for goodness and beauty, too. For our own personal happiness and wellbeing, we have to seek the beauty. We have to look for the good news stories and share them widely to counteract the dominant, negative narrative. Maybe if enough people look for the good, the media will have to share it too.
Be the light
Then for others, if we want to be a force for good and against the pain, we have to create some beauty. We have to create spaces and communities where joy and healing and freedom can flourish. We have to show how brightly light can shine so other are drawn to it.
People in pain inflict pain on others. That's not an excuse for people who inflict damage, but it is a reason. The responsibility is still theirs alone, but by understanding the why we can seek to stop history repeating. We can break the cycle of trauma and misery, and cultivate a more loving and nurturing environment.
When the darkness of the world appears to be closing in, we have to be the light that will hold it back. Even if we illuminate just our little corner of the world. If all those corners join together, imagine how far the light could travel.
Creative spark
Creativity has such power for self-expression and emotional exploration - powerful tools in finding happiness. Whether you write, draw, paint, take photos, bake, knit, scrapbook, sing, dance, or any other form of creativity you can find to enjoy, take some time this week to bring something to life with your unique light.
For your prompt this time, I want you to seek out beauty. Find things you think are beautiful. Create something beautiful. Think about what beauty means to you. Take pictures of beautiful things, or collect them in a box. Find a beautiful box for the task. If you feel brave enough, share some of that beauty with the world to light a spark in others.
Allegra this is so true. I often feel that all the media want to tell us is the bad. As I’ve said before, keeping us fighting means we don’t work together. Also the media insists that the only way to get ourselves noticed is to be confrontational or make people pity us. I don’t want either of those, not for myself or the people I love. I want them to be respected and liked for who they are, and have access to the support they need because we live in a great society that cares for each other not because the media has manipulated their story.
Ohhh Allegra I relate so much to becoming more sensitive after having children. I was a mess for years!