Living Outside the Box with Wendi Gordon
Sometimes a new life is a choice, sometimes it's a necessity, but it's always an adventure
“I'd rather disappoint other people than ignore my own wisdom about what's best for me.”
In these Living Outside the Box interviews, we meet people who are living outside of the narrow expectations of society, and explore with them what other ways are possible.
This month, I am pleased to introduce you to . Wendi is a freelancer writer and mental health advocate. Her Substack, , offers personal stories alongside inspirational quotes and tips to support mental wellbeing. Wendi is no stranger to outside the box living, having completely transformed her life and abandoned society’s expectations not once, but twice! So I’m thrilled that she chose to share her story here.
Psst! If you want to share your own story of living life outside of society’s expectations or not living up to other people’s ideas of “normal”, then I’d love to hear from you - just answer the questions here.
Before we get to Wendi’s interview… I want to let you know that I am running a FREE online creative wellbeing workshop!
Join me on Thursday 29th August at 7pm UK time (check what time that is where you are using the Time Zone Converter).
We'll spend some time with some creative exercises to support your emotional health, there will be a theme to reflect on, and time for anyone who wants to to share their thoughts or what's coming up for them.
It's an opportunity for you to spend some time in your creativity, nurturing your soul, and being held in a supportive space. See you there?
Meet Wendi
Wendi Gordon is a former pastor, originally from Pennsylvania, USA. After throwing in their stable suburban lifestyle to spend 15 years living in Hawai’i, Wendi and her husband returned to mainland USA to resume careers that they thought would continue until they retired. But fate intervened, and they found themselves realigning their lives once more to find new paths.
Wendi is now a freelance writer, author and nature photographer. She is passionate about mental health, having faced her own challenges in the past, and provides a peer listening service as well as offering mental wellbeing support through her writing. Wendi also uses her writing to challenge prejudice and champion inclusion amongst Christian communities and beyond.
Tell us about your “outside the box” life.
I have had two different "outside the box" lives. The first one started in 2001 when my husband, Steve, and I vacationed on Maui. We loved it so much we flew back home to Pennsylvania, put our house up for sale, resigned from our jobs when it sold, and moved to Maui in 2002. We did not have jobs or a place to live lined up in advance (and knew our former careers that required Master's Degrees we had obtained five years earlier were not possible on Maui). We signed a one-year lease within a week of our arrival and both found work within a month.
We lived on Maui for ten years (2002-2012), and for most of that time our jobs involved booking activities for tourists. That meant we got to go to every luau, on every boat trip, zipline, etc. for free so we could describe them in detail and help tourists choose the best ones for their interests and budgets. It was wonderful, but there were no viable options for career advancement. We wanted to resume our previous careers as pastors so we moved to Oahu and pastored separate congregations from 2012 to 2017.
We moved back to the mainland U.S., to Texas, to serve as co-pastors of a church in Amarillo in 2017, and expected to stay there until we retired. But, in 2020, our second "outside the box" life began.
During the first months of the COVID-19 pandemic, our church council "asked" us to resign unexpectedly. We were both in our mid-50s at that point. At first, we planned to continue our careers as pastors, and interviewed with multiple other congregations. It soon became clear that, because we did not support Donald Trump (especially after the Capitol attack on January 6, 2021), and strongly disagreed with his anti-LGBTQIA+ and anti-immigrant rhetoric, other congregations also would not accept us as pastors.
It was very difficult for either of us to find other traditional full-time employment. Partly because I was passionate about publicly opposing Trump and other Christian nationalists, and exposing the obvious contradictions between their words and actions and those of Jesus, I became a freelance writer. I also have several very part-time remote jobs: peer listener, SAT/ACT exam prep tutor, and church office administrator. My husband is an Uber driver. He's also exploring potential income streams related to computer software development and a website he's building.
“It's healthier and more enjoyable to live authentically and prioritize our desires and values over others' expectations, but it's also scarier.”
Those were two very different experiences - how did your feelings, and those of your families, differ about each one?
The first decision to follow a different path was made because we fell in love with Maui, its people, and the marine animals we saw every time we went snorkelling (especially the green sea turtles). We wanted less stressful jobs and more time for fun activities. It felt exciting, liberating, and we were impatient as we waited for our house to sell so we could make that move to Maui.
The second was totally unexpected and unwanted at first. It was brutal both financially and emotionally. It still is, but it's also liberating. We are both now able to set our own schedules, we don't need permission to take time off, and we don't have to do things we consider unethical or stay silent when others do them.
In both cases, our families of origin did not understand or approve of our actions initially. We were so excited about moving to Maui that we didn't care what they thought as we embarked on that first "outside the box" life. It's been much harder this time around. Our previous roles as pastors ended suddenly and against our will. We saw ourselves as failures when we applied for, but were not offered, similar positions elsewhere. When we turned down suggestions from family about applying for other jobs or going back to school to obtain advanced degrees in other fields, their disapproval was harder to take. We didn't know how we would generate enough income and had internalized our families' and culture's beliefs about what adults must do to be responsible and successful. We still don't have a clear path forward; we're figuring it out as we go. It's healthier and more enjoyable to live authentically and prioritize our desires and values over others' expectations, but it's also scarier.
What lessons have you learned from taking an “unconventional” path?
I've learned that I'd rather live with financial challenges than sell my soul and sacrifice my happiness to have a higher or more consistent income. I'd rather disappoint other people than ignore my own wisdom about what's best for me. I've learned that there are plenty of other people who agree and have found ways to create lives they love. I've learned that it takes courage, determination, and patience to forge a new path but it is possible and worth the time and effort.
What advice would you give to anyone considering an “outside the box” life?
I’ve also discovered that there are two very different preconceptions about self-employed life. Some people believe it's impossible to earn a decent living through self-employment or other alternatives to traditional careers, and that it's naïve or irresponsible to try. Others believe that it will be quick and easy to get rich by writing online or doing other entrepreneurial work to replace their current income from full-time employment. I wish more people knew that it is possible, but is not quick or easy.
Don't fall for the "get rich quick" lies from people who promise to show you exactly how to earn as much as they do if you buy their courses or coaching services. No two people are identical, technology changes rapidly, and what worked for them is unlikely to work for you, for multiple reasons. The fact that so many very successful entrepreneurs give contradictory advice is proof that there's no single right way to achieve any goal. Start small, learn and grow and experiment while you still have enough income (or savings) to support you while you figure out the best path for you.
Thank you so much, Wendi, for sharing your story with us. I know everyone in this community will be rooting for you as you move through this new adventure. Do check out Wendi’s Substack, , discover Wendi’s articles and books here, and find out more about her mental health work on her website, My Mental Health Guide.
If you’d like to share your own story of life outside the box, you can complete the interview questions here.
Always encouraging when I see other people finding happiness outside the box.