Summer is coming in with a force that feels intimidating. There is a weight to the heat that presses from above. There is a heaviness to the expectations, The visibility in the light. Spring is nurturing and growth, Autumn is harvest and reflection, Winter is rest and recovery, But summer is simply presence. Heat. Light. It asks you what you have to show. It demands your energy while it sucks the moisture from your bones. It leaves no shadows in which anything can be hidden. - Allegra Chapman
Summer is coming. It took its time this year, but the wait has given it chance to grow stronger, to come in with full force. The heat weighs heavily on me, like a question: what are you going to do?
Spring has been the time for nurturing our goals and intentions. It's when things grow quietly in the dark. But the summer brings everything out into the light. It asks you to take a good look at what you've been cultivating. Is it what you really want? Is it turning out the way you wanted? What progress have you made? What is standing in your way or holding you back?
Increasingly, I find the summer challenging. Since having children, my tolerance for heat seems to have plummetted. Not to mention that the effort of chasing around after small children is that much more difficult in hot weather. But also, as I get older, the summer's demands feel more pressing. I will turn 40 at the end of this year, and am beginning to feel that I really should have the answers figured out by now. What do I want? Where am I going? Yet it still feels murky. I can't seem to get a clear look at any of it, and when I turn my head to try, the water swirls and muddies and I lose sight of whatever was there.
Rather than showing me the way, the light of summer seems to show more clearly how muddled my path is.
Where are we all trying to go?
What is it that we are actually looking for, though? Where is it that I think this path will take me ? Somehow the idea has sprung up in our culture that life is about getting from one place to another, one state to another. Reaching fulfillment, freedom, success, purpose... Happiness. But what does happiness look like? How will we know if we've reached it?
There are thought to be something in the region of 34,000 possible human emotions, yet our society would have us believe that only a handful are 'right' or 'good' and the rest are to be overcome, fought, ignored. That there is a path we can take that will lead us past all those 33,738 'bad’ emotions and to a place where we only feel the acceptable ones.
But that's just not realistic
Those thousands of emotions exist for a reason. They all tell us important information about ourselves, our situation, and other people. They all give us valuable lessons and rich experences and relationships. A positive life isn't one where we've weeded out most of the variety of human experience, it's one where we've learned to connect with all of it.
For chronic over-achievers like me, it's tempting to believe that there are steps you can take to build the perfect life. I've spent years believing that, if I can just buy the perfect planner, take the right course, use the right goal-setting technique, read the one book with the best time management method, then somehow it will all fall into place. It's frightening to confront the idea that happiness might not be something I can work towards. That it might just be a part of the experience, right now.
Happiness is such a fleeting state, and one that’s difficult to grasp onto in the moment, as I’ve discussed before. So thinking we can work towards it with the right magical action plan is fairly futile. A life with only one emotion would be pretty dull, too. How would we know we were happy if we had no other feelings to compare it to?
As summer brings its all-seeing light, my challenge for this season is to learn to celebrate where I am here and now, and to sit comfortably with all of the emotions I experience as they come and go, rather than chasing one in particular.
Doing and being
For someone like me (did I mention the chronic over-achieving?!), there is a huge fear associated with the idea of just being. What will I be worth if I’m not working on something? Won’t life just be passing me by if I’m not pursuing my goals and moving forward?
Getting comfortable with being, with allowing the present to be enough, doesn’t mean you have to let go of doing altogether. There’s still work to be done - if I don’t focus on moving my business forward, for example, I won’t be able to pay the mortgage and keep a roof over my head. And since I haven’t managed to dismantle the capitalist machine just yet, that will continue to be a concern for the foreseeable future.
As with most of life, it’s about establishing a balance. Understanding what really needs to be done, and what will add value if you do it, and what can wait. Or be let go. Then learning to do just those important things and take time in between actions to appreciate what you have and what you are in this moment. To visualise the goal, but see it as a welcome addition to your present state rather than a necessary replacement.
In hotter countries, where the weather of our UK summers seems decidedly chilly, there is often a culture of taking life slowly. It’s impossible to rush around when it’s 40 degrees celsius outside. If you do, you’re likely to end up in hospital. Activity is undertaken steadily, in manageable chunks, with time taken to rest. We would do well to learn from this approach, and approach summer with a more relaxed attitude. This isn’t the time to hurry around in pursuit of goals. It’s a time to slow down and appreciate what is around us. To see ourselves and our situations clearly. To celebrate the beautiful planet we’re priviledged to live on, and the rich and beatiful life that we’re living, right now. Maybe to ponder what changes might enhance the experience.
The rest can come later.
Creative spark
Creativity is such a powerful tool for self-expression and self-exploration, and something that makes a massive impact on our sense of happiness and fulfilment. So, whether you choose to write, journal, paint, draw, take photos, scrapbook, sing or however else you choose to let your creative spirit loose to play, I invite you to consider the following prompt:
What have you been hiding from the light?
What light in you is waiting to shine?