We have a tendency to pile on the pressure, thinking we have to totally reinvent our whole lives, and giving ourselves Herculean tasks to undertake. Inevitably, we will fail within a month or two, feel bad about ourselves, and therefore give up trying to make any progress in those areas at all. It’s not good for us. You also don’t need to reinvent your whole life. Your life is wonderful. There are areas where you can grow and develop - there are for us all and there always will be - but the pressure for change and a whole “new you” is really just the capitalist machine wanting to sell you stuff. But quite apart from that, this isn’t the time for big changes. Winter is for rest, for nurturing, for going inward. It’s the dreaming time. This isn’t where we take big actions, it’s where we contemplate what future actions we want, and how we can build the foundations for those.
So on New Year’s Eve, instead of making resolutions and plans, I ask myself just one question:
How do I want to feel next year?
This feeling that I capture will shape the choices that I make and the direction that I take in the coming year, but it doesn’t ask me to make any plans and commitments. As questions and challenges come up in the months ahead, though, it will help to guide my decisions.
How it works
I don’t go out anymore for New Year’s Eve, because I have two small children who need to be in bed, and, now that alcohol has given me up, I haven’t the energy or the inclination to go out in the cold. So I make a fire, my husband and I get warm drinks (well, I get cacao; alcohol hasn’t given him up, the git, so he might have a Bailey’s), and we spread out some massive pieces of paper.
First, we each make a list of the things we’ve achieved over the past 12 months. It’s always amazing to look at what we’ve actually done - when I spend most of my life feeling like I’ve not done enough, those lists are a good reality check.
Then we talk about how we said, last New Year’s Eve, that we wanted to feel this year. How did that go? Did we get out of it what we wanted to? Did it take us where we thought it would? Did it feel how we thought it would?
Then we look at how we want to feel in the coming year. This is where the big piece of paper comes in handy - I love an A3 pad, but actually any size paper will do.
Write down all the words that come to mind when you think about how you want to feel in the year ahead - this might take a while. You could have music on, be playing a game, be doing pretty much anything you like while you’re thinking and jotting words down. Don’t rush it - you might miss something important.
When you’ve got as many words down as you think you’re going to get, park any distractions. Now it’s time to focus.
Look through your words for themes. Start to group words together under an umbrella word that sums up the group. For example, if I find I’ve written calm, relaxed, less frazzled, mindful and easy-going, I might group those words together and choose “peaceful” as my umbrella word that I feel capture all of those. Your umbrella word doesn’t have to be different, you could choose one word from the group to represent the whole lot. It just needs to encapsulate the feeling that those words give you.
Keep trying to group words, and, once you’ve got a load of umbrella words, see if you can group those words together. If I find I have peaceful, empowered and purposeful as umbrella words, I might say that something along the lines of “self-confident” or “self-assured” covers all of those.
Narrow it down as much as you can until you’ve got the smallest number of words possible that summarises the many feelings you want to have.
Now look at the final words you have and look for a theme across those words. Is there a particular direction they’re taking you in or a common idea present in how feeling those ways would be or what living that way would mean for you?
Use that overall theme to sum up your coming year. 2024 is my year of…
As an illustration, I had words like “peaceful”, “purposeful”, “intuitive”, “confident” and “loving” on my list last year. When I looked at them all, what they were saying to me was that I really wanted to feel like I was stepping into my power and living as my fullest self. So I settled on “2023 is my year of actualisation”.
And that’s it. Then you can watch the fireworks on TV and go to bed.
You don’t have to do anything with this idea just yet. Keep that word written somewhere. You can work with it creatively if you like - use it to make collages or artworks, journal on it. But mostly, just hold it in your heart. Ponder it, listen to it, let it guide your dreams. See where it takes you as the new year unfolds.
I’d love to hear if you use this ritual how it goes for you. What will 2024 be your year of? Tag me on Notes or put it in the comments.
I love this Allegra! It's very similar to what I'm talking about in my recent series on change. How do we want to show up and how do we want to feel as we move through our day? The process you've shared is very powerful, I look forward to gaining insight by following these steps.
I like the idea of a large piece of paper out. And cacao. Have a good one