Goal setting is bullshit
Why you're failing at the goals you've set
Hands up who’s already given up on their New Year’s resolutions? 🙋♀️
Research shows that 90% of people will have given up by now - and we’re just 10 weeks into the year.
Most of us fail, in general, at goal-setting, and, as with most systems, we tell ourselves it’s our own fault and that we’re just rubbish, instead of examining the system itself. So here’s the thing:
It’s not your fault you didn’t reach your goals.
The standard approach to goal-setting is inherently flawed - especially for those of us whose lives don’t fit into society’s neat boxes - and it doesn’t really work for anyone.
There is a better way…
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Ok, back to goal setting…
Your goals will not make you happy
This is the real issue with goal-setting - we set ambitious targets for ourselves believing they will make our lives complete.
I’ll be happy once I’ve got that promotion.
I’ll love myself once I’ve dropped two dress sizes.
I’ll feel I’ve made it once I’ve written a book.
No, you won’t.
Sorry, but you won’t. You’ll still be you, you’ll still feel the same about you and your life. You might get a buzz from hitting the goal initially, but the thrill wears off fast. You quickly realise you’ve not achieved the “arrival” feeling you were hoping for, and start chasing the next thing on the ladder.
Goal-oriented thinking can actually undermine our happiness if we’re not careful:
Focusing on an external motivator can reduce our intrinsic enjoyment - for example, if you’re focusing on driving sales of your book, you might lose the inherent joy of the processing of writing it.
Constantly striving for a future version of ourselves or our lives takes us out of the present - we lose sight of the joys and pleasures in the here and now, which is all we ever really have.
If we set the bar too high, we damage our motivation - and then we’re more likely to quit than if we’d just allowed ourself to start an activity and see where the process took us.
Goals can lead us in the wrong direction - if we feel we’ve committed to a goal, especially if we feel other people are watching our progress, sometimes we keep going long after the endpoint we were chasing has ceased to be truly meaningful to us.
And yet… having something to aim for in life is important. It gives us a sense of meaning and purpose. Plus, if we are working on a project or building a career, then having milestones to move towards helps to keep us on track.
So what can you do?
The non-bullshit approach
Instead of setting goals - which can give off a bit of a corporate/hustle vibe - I prefer aspirations and intentions, rooted in purpose.
I went to a webinar by the amazing
recently, and she said something that really struck me:“Your goals should feel like an extension of who you are - not a battle against yourself.”
That’s the key to finding your way towards true fulfillment - focusing on who you are, your values and what brings you meaning and joy.
Here’s what a more meaning-led approach looks like, and how to put it into practice: