But bid life seize the present?
It lives less in the present
Than in the future always,
And less in both together
Than in the past. The present
Is too much for the senses,
Too crowding, too confusing-
Too present to imagine.
- Robert Frost, Carpe Diem
It’s bluebell season!
Walking in the woods this weekend with my family, the sea of blue-purple was a striking sight. I thought what a shame it was that this sudden abundance of colour would only last for a few weeks. And then I wondered if perhaps we appreciate it all the more because it is so brief
Bluebells come in a bold flash. They are sudden and expansive. And then they are gone. There’s something poignant in that, and something that reminds us to make the most of those parts of life that are only with us for a season (and ultimately, isn’t that true of most of life?), and to throw ourselves into them with full wild abandon.
It was fitting that I had my two young children with me, too. At ages two and four, we’ve seen so many stages fly by already, and I’m painfully aware how short each phase of their development is. They are constantly changing and evolving - the children I see today won’t exist a year from now, or even six months, maybe not even three. They’ll have shed another skin and grown another layer of self on their journey to becoming fully themselves.
I wanted to stay and look at the bluebells, knowing that I might not get another chance to see them as they are now. It might be next year before I can see them again, although they won’t be the same bluebells. But I knew I couldn’t linger there forever. Time has to move forward. However much I want to grasp it in my hands to keep it still, to savour it, it runs through my fingers. And the bluebells have to fade away - we have to lose what’s there now in order for them to continue to bloom in future.
Can you be happy in the moment?
Most of us want to be happy. But actually being happy - in the sense of being, right now - is tricky.
For many of us, happiness is bound up with the future (“I’ll be happy when I have my dream job / when I’m on my next holiday / when I fall in love”) or with the past (“I’m happy remembering my grandmother’s baking / my dad’s jokes / my daughter’s first steps”).
It’s not unique to happiness - a large proportion of our thoughts in general live in the past or future. Humans spend approximately 47% of our waking hours thinking about something other than what we’re currently doing. So we spend only about half our time living in the present. What’s even more interesting, is that only around 5% of our happiness in any given moment is related to what we’re currently doing, whereas around 11% (more than double) comes from that mental time-travelling.
We’ve been conditioned by our society to constantly be worrying about what’s happened in the past, beating ourselves up for our mistakes and looking back to some supposed “good old days”, or to be considering what we need, what we should want and how we can make our lives “better”, not to mention how we’re going to deal with all the pressures of the current economic climate.
It makes those present moments so hard to grasp onto. We’re distanced from what’s happening right now, so we struggle to appreciate it. To even recognise it. Often, the present feels like something we’re just trying to get through. Until we look back and remember what we had fondly, with an ache that maybe we missed out on it at the time.
Sometimes the present can be hard to enjoy precisely because you know that it’s so fleeting. That the little baby is growing up before your eyes. That you don’t know how many more family get-togethers Grandma will be able to make. That there are only three more days of the holiday left and then you’ll have to go home. The moments of joy are tinged with the pain of their loss.
Can you be happy in the moment?
As someone with ADHD, and the constant demanding pressures of a business and two children, I find being present a real challenge. I’m not going to share with you my “top tips for nailing mindfulness” because I am very far from nailing it. But it is something I’m working on. I find guided meditation useful to bring me more fully into my body. I also find this works in person much better than with an app or recording. I’m lucky to be part of an amazing Women’s Circle led by a woman who has an incredible power to quiet the noise in my head (or at least turn it down a bit) and bring me into a greater awareness of myself.
Walking meditation is also great for people like me who struggle to sit still and shut out the noise. I take myself for a walk and purposefully try to notice things. How many red things can you spot? How many different noises can you hear? It’s also a technique I try on my four-year-old daughter to help her calm down when she’s having big feelings, and it works a treat.
Gratitude is a valuable tool in appreciating the moment. Each night, I write down three things I’m grateful for from my day (I had to make it specific to the day, otherwise I felt guilty if I wasn’t writing “my children” every time!). I also ask my family to share one thing each that they’re grateful for that day over dinner, to get them into the habit. Yes, it’s a reflective practice, but once it becomes habit you learn to recognise your gratitude in the moment as it’s happening. And savouring that gratitude, soaking up how much you appreciate this moment right now, helps to take the edge off that fear of loss, to take your mind away from what happens next. Right now, there is this, and I am happy.
Creative spark
Everything is always changing. Every cell in your body is constantly renewing itself, and so every seven years you are literally a whole new person at a molecular level. Everything is fleeting. Life is continually shifting beneath our feet, we are never on solid ground. We are always in motion.
Make of that what you will.
Oh my goodness, I relate to the need to include my children / family on all my gratitude lists, in fear of guilt if I don’t! 😂🙈